I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He has the fingertips of a God
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
