dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
