and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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