I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
