So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
