is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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