So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
