Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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