Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
