You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
