i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
