why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize