I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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