she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
