I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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