Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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