hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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