Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
