i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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