i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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