Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
