i will never coherently bang her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize