Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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