I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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