marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
