R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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