At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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