Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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