Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
