It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's shark week go big or go home
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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