the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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