There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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