I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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