Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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