im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
