i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize