I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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