I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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