He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize