my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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