so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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