Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
