That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize