I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
