oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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