yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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