Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
