this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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