Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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