Apparently you make a good broom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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