yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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