No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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