Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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