Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
