Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize