I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Even my vagina gasped.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
