Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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