she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
