My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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