Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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