Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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