guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
