so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
