there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
