There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
time to smoke my breakfast
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
