my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to fling myself into the sun
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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