a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
