i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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