thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i've created a new STD.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
