So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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