when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
