I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
