Well douche your snatch and let's go!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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