please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
