You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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