I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
