Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
