meet me or not, i'm out of control
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize