Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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