well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
